Updated: Dec 13, 2019
So let’s go back to 2017 I’m pregnant with my third child that was pretty much planned if you ask me. I was 28 and was having baby fever like crazy my husband who is twelve years my senior(yes he looks very young lol) was at a point where he wasn’t really sure about having another child, oh but I was so sure I told him that if there was a possibility of him wanting another the time was now. I really didn’t want to have any children after 30 because that’s a time where your body changes so much and I knew I would have a hard time getting my body back. I can’t say so we went forward and started having fun trying just like the other two he just happened. I found out a little after my birthday that I was pregnant I was so happy but I thought how in the world am I going to tell my husband so I didn’t for about three weeks I kept it to myself I eventually told my husband and we then began to prepare for the baby. From about 16 weeks until I had my son I was in excruciating pain every day this was seriously the worst pregnancy the worst pain I had to endure for such a long period of time. In those moments of distress I decided it was best to get my tubes tied and my husband was in agreement. Both of us are really big on research and gathering all information about things before we do them this was one of the biggest decisions we made with no information. So I went ahead and got it done and it’s so funny because right before I went in to my have my son I had a c-section the nurse asked me what was I having done and when I said a tubal legation I remember wanting to tell her I don’t want it but against my own feelings I went ahead and did it. So let’s fast forward to life with my tubal so one day I went to the ER my baby at the time was about five moths I can’t remember why I was there but the doctor asked me was I pregnant I laughed and said there’s no way I could be my tubes are tied he replied and said well you actually can and its call an ectopic pregnancy when your pregnant in your tubes my heart literally sank in my stomach I had no idea call me naive but I was oblivious to this hint which is why I should have done my homework I was devastated finding this out the thought that I could still get pregnant but then have to abort the baby haunts me to this day. Not only was that an issue but my body was not in its natural behavior I began to have chronic migraines , hot flashes and a few other symptoms which I later found out was tubal legation syndrome( this syndrome is very contrary to whether its real depending on what doctor you speak to about it) so during this time I felt sadness and depression again I dealt with postpartum depression which I will blog about at a later time. So some may ask why did you do it well I thought I didn’t want any more children I made a decision out of emotion, emotional decisions most of the times leads to some sort of regret I also felt a sense of shame women and sometimes men would in a way criticize me or make me feel ashamed of being pregnant. In some sort of way I wanted to fit into the mode of society which is so funny to me because I’m totally not a societal norm type of girl. My husband’s reasoning was more so for my health I am considered a high risk when carrying and not to mention none of my pregnancies were easy breezy something always went wrong and he didn’t want to lose me while having a baby he just couldn’t tolerate another pregnancy which is completely understandable. My husband and I both went to God in prayer and asked for forgiveness and to truly heal my body although things haven’t completely subsided I deal with it the best way I can. Every month I have my period a little piece of me hurts I took away something that God gave to me that so many other women wish they had I took away my glory my ability to bring life into this world society has a way of making women feel that their worth is in the world when that is far from the truth. I deal with my tubal a lot better these days although I have my moments like writing this was so hard. I know that right at this moment bringing another child in the world if I could just wouldn’t be the right time, sometime in the near future I would like to have my tubal reversed maybe not so much to have a baby but to get my crown back.
Is there anything that you wish you could take back that is permeant? Let me know below